KabobFest to hire blogger Debbie Schlussel to help add relevance to their irrelevant blog collaborative

This columnist has learned that KabobFest, the retirement home for failed writers and unsuccessful rap artists, has hired Debbie Schlussel, the progressive loudmouthed bore and Arab hating racist, to help them become more relevant in today's online journalism community.

Schlussel, outspoken in her hatred of Muslims and Arabs, is the leading critic of Rima Fakih, the American Arab of Lebanese heritage who won the recent Miss USA Pageant and who is headed towards winning the Miss Universe Contest this summer as America's and the Arab World's favorite daughter.

Will Youmans after a hard day at work

Kabobfest writers have been applauding Schlussel complimenting her on her attacks against Fakih and urging her on to write more. In fact, to quote Kabobfest founder Rusted "Iron Sheik" Condoms, "I would Jihad for Schlussel. She's my babe. 4th wife? No way. She'd be wife number one. I love harry women."

It was hard to hear the Iron Sheik rapper though as he was wearing his popular paisley berqa, the only way he can enter the United States or move around without attracting attention. The "Yo-Man" even said he would change his name and embrace Schlussel if they could wed, saying, "I would be proud to be the second part of the Schlussel Writing Machine, Will Schlussel. I love it. I love it so much I'm going to write a rap song about her, my love." Yo-Man said that he things he has a lot in common with Schlussel, adding "We both  regularly Brazilian wax our uni-brows."

Meanwhile, Schlussel, who said she was so sick from the news of Fakih's victory, announced she was leaving to return to the rock she crawled out from, acknowledging it's tough to be a hard-hitting bottom feeder in today's world.

UPDATE: Sugar Boobs, one of the KabobFest "writers," is telling his pals that he thinks Yo-Man and Debbie both look great in a Speedo, although even the smallest size seems too big on the rapper. Said the rapper, "All I want to do is a zoom, zoom, zoom in a Pom Poon ... All I want to do is a zoom, zoom, zoom in a Pom Poon ... All I want to do is a zoom, zoom, zoom in a Pom Poon ... Come to think of it, we can save money by Brazilian waxing each other at the same time. That would be fun! As they say in the Arab World, Tuck-rearend. Ahaha 'u akbar!"

-- The Maklooba Man