KabobFest begs to be on Star Chef Chicagoland -- Lay ya zellamah!

When Ray Hanania rejected an application from the ruling mullahs at KabobFest to appear on his new reality TV show Star Chef Chicagoland, the KabobFest mullahs went berserk.

The KabobFesters insisted they were rejected because unlike Hanania, their extremist writing appears to appease fanaticism, and all they do is bash Israel. But Hanania issued a press release in English -- a language the KabobFester seem to have difficulty deciphering -- explaining that while it would be fun to watch the KabobFesters burn their fingers on the stove, drop the pork on the tile floor and then rinse it off and refry it in poly-saturated fatty oils, and skewer their fat fingers which right now are wasted on typing, the fact is the KabobFesters just don't know how to cook.

"The truth is they cook as bad as they right. If they even tried to cook grape leaves or mensiff or even something simple like boiling water, it would be haram! Shameful. We can't allow it. And, they can't promise that their cooking will be better than their writing, which sucks and would never be nominated for a Pulitzer Prize even by themselves. They couldn't win any writing awards, but they do know how to hate Israelis," Hanania said.

"It's bad enough the KabobFesters stole the Israeli foods and claimed them as their own -- aspirin, Pepto Bizmal and whine -- they insist that tabouleh has no cucumbers in it. If anything proves they are Shi'ite scum that's the final straw that broke the camels back. I don't care if they wear towels and don't wash their underwear. No cucumbers in the tablouleh. That's haram! Sacrilegious."

They are already a disgrace to the Arab people with their left leaning abuse of the English language and lack of Arabic skills. And they are fat, harry and too smelly, Hanania said.

Hanania is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at a dinner hosted by the wealthy aristocrats at The Palestine Center in Washington DC to celebrate the June 4th Six Day War victory by Israel over the ragtag armies of the Arab World.

"I'll be there for sure," Hanania said.

-- Maklooba Man